can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
