The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
