Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
