First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So vagazzling was a success
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
