That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
