How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
