Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
