Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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