Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
