make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
