At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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