i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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