is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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