My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
