I think scott just propositioned me for sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
