I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
