dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Randomize
