It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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