Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
