I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
