Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
