Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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