When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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