Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
