You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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