I wish I could teleport
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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