Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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