you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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