Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
