it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
