I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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