in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
