fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
