he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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