Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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