70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
