He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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