Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
