Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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