So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
