Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.