I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.