i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.