i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.