My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK