you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
