I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
