Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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