I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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