Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
