your room smells of hookers.
And success
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
