Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
