I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize