Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
