my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
