I will die if light touches me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
