well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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