I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
