i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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