I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
