Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
