I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
