I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
