he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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