WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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