this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
