Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My cat gives me a boner
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
