remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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