Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
